Throughout my relationship with my ex, there was ‘trouble’!
I was blatantly aware of how much my ex, was purposely trying to abuse me in front of my toddler sons, almost as if, he was putting them on a training course in ‘how to abuse a woman’!
I would then try to keep things calm in the house, so that the children wouldn’t have to witness him abusing me! I was trying to avoid ‘trouble’!
Often, I would take the children out of the house, so that they would not witness ‘trouble’. This usually resulted in my ex and his mum, accusing me of being ‘over possessive’ of the children, by always taking them out!
‘Trouble’ can start where you’ve burnt the bacon for his ‘buttie’ (because you were seeing to the children’s needs) or there are stains on the cushion covers, from where your toddlers have been sitting, which is naturally ‘your’ fault as their mother (strangely, there are never 2 parents involved, in parenting your children, to avoid such ‘mistakes’).
Maybe you’ve actually been brave enough to point out something he’s said that isn’t true (never challenge them on their lies and fairy stories, if you want to avoid ‘trouble’).
I have irrationally, dug holes in the soil, in the garden and hidden burnt bacon ……… I was too frightened that it would be found in the dustbin and he would start ‘trouble’ in front of the kids!
I hid the cushion covers under the divan bed, so that the covers, with their broken zips would not be discovered by him. Broken zips from constantly washing them!
I hid them because I didn’t want ‘trouble’ from him in front of my sons. ‘Trouble’ for the cushion covers being damaged!
‘Trouble’ is typical in a ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ type of relationship.
You will constantly ‘tread on eggshells’ around him, take responsibility for ‘everything’ that is ‘wrong’ in the house and with the children, in his estimation.
As soon as he has found fault, you will immediately clean up the mess, because you don’t want to start ‘trouble’ again!
I would put the boys into their pushchair and walk to ‘Woolworths’!
Yet again, I was replacing cups or plates my ex had smashed because of ‘trouble’!
I gave up on the idea we would have a lovely crockery set at home. Our plates,cups and dishes were plain white. Easier and cheaper to replace each time they were broken by my ex because of ‘trouble’!
Smashed plates and cups, I cleared up off the floor, because the boys were toddlers with tiny feet and I didn’t want them injured by broken pottery pieces!
I was an ‘expert’ on how to package broken pottery or glass, before putting it in the bin!
I didn’t want the refuse collectors getting injured!
Such thoughtless, controlling, violent behaviour from their my son’s father.
Reading this, you may think that this woman is a bit crazy ‘Just leave him’!
Why women don’t, in such situations, is due to ‘Cognitive Dissonance’.